i just had sex bonerless
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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