Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
