he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
