What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
