No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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