i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
and you fell through a lawn chair
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
