he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
