The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
