so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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