yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
