Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
