Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
