Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
