Little spoons don't ask big questions
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
