I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize