Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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