I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize