if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
There's even glitter on my cock...
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