bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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