so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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