Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
