No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
