Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize