whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
