I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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