How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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