I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
