I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
