I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
