oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
