Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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