He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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