so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
