Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
