hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
