I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
