I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
