This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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