Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
