who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
