I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
