i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize