Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
