I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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