I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize