My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I didn't notice because vodka
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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