I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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