Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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