wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
