You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
