I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
