You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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