): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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