She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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