i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I wish there were birth control emojis
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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