I skipped work to stalk him.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
