Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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