eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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