yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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