i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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