You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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