I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
